"Kimi Brat"

When I was in elementary school I used to tell people I had a different last name than I did. For some reason I chose Susie, as though Susie is realistic. Idiot! I wanted kids to stop calling me Kimi Brat, like that was the funniest thing in the world. Who did they think they were? I distinctly remember Tyler Jascoviak peeing his pants at the 1st grade talent show, and no one really though Baker Machodo would amount to anything with a name like Baker, but hey we all grow up and grow out of it right? WRONG!

I started substitute teaching when I started grad school. One of my first experiences was almost as humiliating as that day in 2nd grade when I decided I didn't need to listen to Mr. Chen or Chang or whatever his name was, in PE and instead of running around the gym I ran my little booty right out the back door only to realize I was the only one.  This of course led to me being locked out, terrified and crying for a solid 5 minutes. Though at the time I was sure I would be left there to starve and my parents would eventually be forced to file a missing person's report I was eventually discovered and at that point forced to do my first walk of shame in front of the whole class, tears and snot dripping down my face. (so embarrassing)

On one of my first days subbing a kindergarten class I introduced myself as Miss Pratt, at which time an obnoxious, genetically perfect little boy, who I am sure will go on to make a school career of making fun of others, pointed out to the whole class that my name sounded just like Miss Brat and continued to laugh so hard that he peed his pants. After which I was reprimanded by the principal that young children "have small bladders and you need to pay better attention to this sort of thing."  Little bastard! I'll show him Miss Brat! Twenty-six years later I'm still Kimi Brat.... crap!